That’s One Slippery Wagon!

2, 5, 7, 10,  15, 18, 20!, 22!!, 25!!!, 20, 14, 6, arrggh!

Anyone who has spent years trying to lose weight recognizes the above mathematical series (I believe it’s called the Sonofabitch Series, so named by famous mathematician Clark “Triple Cheese” Berger).  For me the latest round started about two weeks ago. We had been good with what we were eating, I was watching my portion size, I had gone to Taco Bell for my wife without getting anything for myself, and I was down 25 pounds. Then we tripped a little. I didn’t fall off the wagon, I didn’t even fall partially off. We decided to eat some Wendy’s Friday night, and then Saturday night went to a Mexican restaurant where I got some of the best pollo fundido I have ever eaten. Neither meal was especially over the top, considering what I can put away on a normal basis, but by Sunday morning I was back up 7 pounds. I didn’t even eat 7 pounds of food, how is it possible?!

I’m trying not to lose momentum, trying to stay focused on the goal, trying to see myself 150 pounds lighter, but when 4 pounds of food makes me gain 7 pounds it’s incredibly hard. I just want to give up, decide that life is cruel, and eat what I want instead of what some doctors say my body needs. But I’m not giving up. Yesterday I ate:

Breakfast: A homemade fruit smoothie (no idea what was in it, Andrea made it, naturally)

Mid morning snack: A handful of almonds

Lunch: two cups of cottage cheese, 2 hard boiled eggs

Mid afternoon snack: a handful of almods

Dinner: Chicken breast and a baked potato

….and then a cupcake….and then another. Damnit!

This morning, I am still lower than I was Sunday. I’m making up the lost ground, but it’s cost almost another week. My body is already losing weight slower than it was a week ago, my metabolism is already adjusting to the new lower portions and healthier food, compensating, and slowing the burn of fat. I know what that means, it’s time to really start exercising. No more “well, I played the Wii Fit twice last week…that’s good enough”. It’s time to start the CaveMan portion of our Healthy Living program. It’s still cold though, in fact it snowed yesterday. It’s not that we can’t walk in the snow, everybody on the planet knows we can, but it’s….ya know….cold!

Anyway, the struggle continues, with me and millions of other fatties. I keep in mind that in the very least I’m getting healthier. The foods we are choosing are better for my entire body’s health, even if my waistline…line? I think from now on I’m calling it my equator…even if my equator isn’t shrinking.

Diet and Exercise, Who Knew?

I’m a fat guy. I haven’t been a fat guy my whole life, but after years of dedicated junk food consumption, I’ve managed to get into excellent shape…round.

I met my wife (AndreaLand in my blogroll) almost exactly three years ago, and she had problems with my eating habits almost right away. Over the years she’s added more and more pressure to get me to change my habits (she’s lucky she’s so cute, otherwise I never would have stuck around!). I finally started to cave in late last year, and over the last month or so we’ve been really dedicated to eating healthier. By that I mean veggies. I’ve been anti-veggie for most of my adult life, I don’t care much for the texture or flavor, but she convinced me (by blackmailing me with tears) to start eating them.

It’s been hard. I used to look forward to dinner with mouth-watering glee, knowing it was only a few hours before I could eat 3 normal-sized-people’s portions of grease-soaked cow flavored product. But when we first started eating “mostly plants“  I would sit down at the dinner table each night, glare at the plate of veggies, sigh, play with them for while until they were nice and cold, eat a couple, and shove the plate away. Eventually I got sick of feeling like I was starving to death, and started to eat them while they were still warm, just shoveling them into my mouth, chewing as few times as possible, and swallowing, figuring that at the very least I was taking in calories. Over time, and I know this will come as a shock to all of you, I started to find them less repulsive. I eat a little slower now, I try to taste the bell peppers and onions instead of just the rice they’re cooked with, and I no longer feel the hunger pangs after dinner.

The added benefit of eating more healthy is the lack of guilt. I used to hoover way more Taco Bell than a single human should, enjoying every bite…until I was done. I would then sit back, wipe my chin, look at the carnage of empty taco wrappers, and guiltily gather them into the bag so I wouldn’t have to look at them all, trying to ignore the voice in my head screaming “Seriously? You really need to eat 8 tacos and a huge plate of nachos for dinner? I mean…REALLY?!”. These days, though, I eat one, maybe one and a half portions of the dinner Andrea cooks, then push my plate away. I still feel hungry most of the time, but I know that’s just because my body is used to the huge portions I’ve been giving it for the last ten years. I know that I have all the calories and nutrients my body needs.

So we’re getting the diet part down, and we’re still trying to work on the exercise part. We haven’t started the Cave Man part yet, mostly it’s because it’s hard to motivate yourself to get up early and go for walk when it’s only 33 degrees outside, but we’re getting there. We walked a lot over the weekend, and cleaned the garage out, and I even figured out how I could trick the Wii Fit into thinking I weighed less than I did so I could actually use the damn thing (it doesn’t really like fat people, and if you weigh what I weigh, it won’t even let you play). With the weather warming up, I know we’ll be spending more time outside working off the already reduced calories we take in each day. And hey, so far it’s working. I’m down almost 15 pounds (only 11 more to go before the Wii lets me play without putting the thing on a thick blanket!).

Turns our those nutritionist people were on to something. Eat healthy, whole foods, eat veggies instead of grease, get off your ass. Who knew?